If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
True strength comes from lack of pants
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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