In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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