Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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