So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
