so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
