peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
