YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
wanna go halves on a baby?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
