Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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