she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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