3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
