ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
