Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
