I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
