in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
