I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You pole danced in your parka.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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