All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
No stitches, just platelets and will power
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
