I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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