I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
