Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
