I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
