im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's shark week go big or go home
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
