I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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