i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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