By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
