She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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