my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
