My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish you could order shots online.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
