Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
