I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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