I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Your dad touched me again.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
