I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
