got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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