i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
