I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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