i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
