If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
