last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
