i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
