Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
