It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
