anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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