Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
