Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Be still, my beating vagina.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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