we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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