he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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