Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Are my feet made of real feet?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
