I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
