don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
