I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
