New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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