He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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