As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
