Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
