you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
