it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
