someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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