DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
