I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
