Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I love you. Go after that dick
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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