True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
