after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
