Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
