drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
